Actual page of tax bill, as passed by the SenateYou may be aware that Congress just passed a new tax bill, designed to supercharge our economy and make us all billionaires. Here are a few little known provisions of this brand-new law.
- 14 year old girlfriends can now be claimed as “temporary dependents”
- New Schedule SX form to organize your sexual harassment deductions
- New deduction for “affair diamond” allows husbands to placate wives after “misunderstandings”
- Annual reduction in business tax by 2% a year. When the rate falls below zero, businesses will be paid 2% a year, money will be taken from the middle class
- Rat meat will be subsidized, but only for people who buy food with food stamps
- “Billionaire Playboy” is now a tax-exempt charitable institution
- Black Lives Matter and Antifa will now share the same tax status with Nazis, because there is bad behavior on both sides
- The Arch in St. Louis will be renamed the Laffer Curve National Monument and Temple
- Kneeling during the National Anthem is taxed at a rate of $10,000 per second
- Evangelical preacher private jet subsidy
- Sexual harassment payments are now tax deductible
- Anything written in the margins by drunk Senators after midnight during debate applies only to non-white people
- Illegal immigrants must pay taxes, but politicians are legally allowed to say they don’t, and journalists must agree
- Fox News is the only tax-exempt media company
- New carbon tax on mosques only
- Final article which reads “Anything above that can be construed as detrimental to rich white men is null and void in any court of law”
For those who are worried about injustice to the poor, worry no more. This new law will deprive the poor of citizenship. That takes care of that.
But we are thankful to have this legislation. I know as a white male of means, I worry about being discriminated against, and this will protect my God-given rights.